Mother Mother

Is it inevitable that we will become our mothers?

That’s the question nearly every twenty-something woman I know has asked herself.  I certainly have.  Every time I cry watching Oprah (which I nearly every episode now that she’s retiring), screw up the punchline of a joke or find myself in a dead panic because I’m late for something I think, “I am turning into my mother.”

But is this inevitable?

My mother and I on the observation deck of 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York City, March 2010.

Maybe, but I’m not convinced that it’s a bad thing.  Maybe if my mother was a ruthless, cold-hearted, vindictive woman I might fight against it but my mother is renounced for being kind, considerate and forgiving.  Is that so bad?  No.

I know some people who swear that they will never be like their mothers but many of them are exactly like the women that carried them into the world.  For instance, I know one fiercely dominant conversationalist who I am convinced learned it from her own mother.

I’d think it’s safe to assume these types of “motherly characteristics” are learned.  Learned from years of conditioning and example.  Ask yourself, “In what ways do I resemble my mother?”  Are these things you like about your mother or not.  They’re teachers but they can also be cautionary tales.  Learn to be less overbearing if you can’t stand that about your mother but maybe hold on to the optimism she taught you.  Rid yourself of gossip but retain her ability to keep in touch with the people in her life.  Not everything is a negative.

I propose that it’s our job to take what our mother’s knew to the next level.  I once heard a very smart Buddhist Reverend say that reincarnation isn’t coming back as an insect but your life’s experience living on through your children.

So, this Mother’s Day, find the thing inside you that you’ve learned from your mother (whoever that is, maybe a grandmother, aunt or gaurdian) and tell her how happy you are to be alike in that one, special way.

Cheers,
Nicole

PS – Here’s a fun supercut of famous film mothers.  Share!